Three views on the FIFA Womens World Cup's exciting weekend.
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| GILF |
Many of us men like to consider womens sports as a joke. Many times I myself have made fun of womens sports, and specifically the WNBA. But I'll be damned if one person makes fun of the US womens soccer team. After last year's mens world cup, and all its excitement, you'd think that this years womens cup couldn't compete. Then in the quarter finals it surpassed it.
I hate Brazil like a good red white and blue blooded American. They speak Portuguese and harbor Nazis. Those are two things I just can't stand for, and through said hatred, I found myself watching the womens game against Brazil on Sunday. The game was ho-hum, until those Nazi harborers paid off the refs to get a penalty in the box. Normally, when it comes to women, a penalty in the box has an entirely different meaning (yeast infection), but this time it ment that I would assuredly be pissed, as those World Cup host stealers stole a free shot on goal.
But the great and amazing Hope Solo stood in, and deflected the ball to the sidelines like Darrel Revis. It was amazing. She was amazing. But wouldn't you know it, in Germany the Nazi friendly Brazilians got another ghost call. Receiving a second shot, which some whore put it in the net. Fuck them.
But if there is one thing the US has, it is Hope. It's almost as if her parents named her this, just to make journalists jobs easier. Heads up to all parents who think their kids will be pro sports players. Name them something that corresponds with the english language. Hammer. Rod. Those are a few of the choices.
Anyways, hope was still there, even after going to overtime, and even after dropping down a goal in overtime. Hope was there, and with hope came opportunity, and with opportunity came...
FUCK YOU BRAZIL. FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU. Suck on that large throbbing Karma COCK. You can't even cheat and beat America. You wanna know why? BECAUSE WE ARE NOT AFRAID TO BEAR ARMS MOTHER FUCKER. OUR SPEECH IS FREE LIKE OUR MUSIC. THESE COLORS DONT RUN, THEY SPRINT. THEY SPRINT FASTER THAN 400 KENYANS THAT ARE JUCING. GO HOME AND ENJOY YOUR FAVELAS YOU SLUTS.
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| DIS IS AMELICAN FOOTBARR |
Did you know Japan beat Germany this weekend? Ya, me neither. And it was their womens team, not the mens team out there. I mean, I'm not trying to be racist or anything, but can the Asian countries have their women grow their hair out. The only thing I can think while watching these teams is "You could be male. You could have a dick. So could this one."
I didn't watch this game, but the fact the Germany lost doesn't surprise me. Let's take a look back in the past. In World War II, which country fought longer? Duh, Japan. We had to nuke them. TWICE. These fuckers don't give up, and that should have tipped anyone watching this game. The fact is that Germany, even at it's best, can never beat Japan. The Germans would just end up getting tired after a while. When half your country is disavowed for not being of the Aryan race, you are not gonna have the talent to compete.
The Japanese on the other hand, they train their ass off. They play soccer 9 hours a day, and then study analytics of soccer of 12 hours. Then they hunt dolphins for 3. You can't put together a better soccer regimen than that. It's called dedication, and that dedication has put them squarely in the semis.
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| I dare you not to have a boner right now. |
Some debate has been raging over which player from the womens team is the hottest. Everyone who says it is not Alex Morgan is wrong. She is hotter than the other side of the sun. Look at that picture above. See anything wrong with it? Nope. That's because there is nothing wrong with it. It is perfect. Look at that smile. Wouldn't you just melt if she did that to you in real life. I'm melting right now.
Hope Solo may be a close second, but she's getting up there in age. I'm not saying I wouldn't eat her pitch, because I would, I'm just saying that compared to the 22 year old Alex Morgan, it's just not the same.
Alex is a forward. That means she has an aggressive personality. The type of personality the welcomes S&M, and with all that soccer energy, there would be truck loads of sex. We are talking dump truck loads. I mean, it would be so much that you'd be faking an injury just to get a break. And you know what, I'm cool with that. I'd let her strike my balls any time she wants. From what I've seen on the pitch, she's got a great first touch on the ball.
On a side note: I never new how much innuendo you could produce from soccer until I watched women play. I'd argue that womens soccer is more fun that mens, solely on that reasoning. For example: "Hey Alex, lose the shin guards, and put on the knee pads." Good stuff. And girls with long socks are really hot for some reason. I don't know why. Maybe because calves aren't hot, but legs in whole are. Something like that. I'm not a psychologist.
Wilt Stilts is a devout lover and great person in whole and would never leave you Alex Morgan. Not even for a day. For more, please visit him at www.alexmorganyoushouldmarrymeforeverandeverandeverandever.com or at twitter @kberthusen.
