|Dude, seriously bro. Give it up.|
It's real time on the Grove today. It's 'bout to get all FUCK YOU IN THIS BITCH. Alright. Now that this is prefaced, I shall begin.
You cannot possibly be still talking about the Red Sox collapse. It's been two fucking weeks. I think you could get over the death of a loved one faster than this shit. It's a goddamn baseball team that has been in the playoffs almost every year and been successful every fucking year. You cannot POSSIBLY have a fucking complaint over one failed season.
"OH, BUT HE SKY IS FALLING. IS THE GREEN MOSTER IN LEFT OR RIGHT FIELD? I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE? HOW WILL WE EVER BE ABLE TO REPLACE OUR GM WITH ALL THIS PAYROLL? WE ARE SO FUCKED!"
Shut your goddamned mouth. It's fine to weep for your team for a day or two after a collapse like that. It was embarrassing, and amazing. Embarazing. It's fine to be pissed about a team. I've gone through it myself (See: KU vs Northern Iowa and VCU [Double Brakets - I go to KU]). I wallow for one night not getting sleep and the next day I'm frustrated, but when I finish a good night of hard alcohol I'm fine.
It's been two weeks since the Red Sox fell apart. TWO FUCKING WEEKS, and they still have these cry baby stories on the front page of Grantland. Today, Simmons just wrote a post about how HE CAN NOW FINALLY HANDLE THE THOUGHT OF NOT WATCHING THE RED SOX LOSE IN THE ALDS. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. It's so whiny to write anything about a team that loses miserably. It's not fun to read, and if there is only a sliver of enjoyment in reading these articles, it's within the first 48 hours of the actual event. NOT TWO FUCKING WEEKS LATER.
Get the fuck over yourselves Red Sox fans. It's embarrassing enough to know you can't spell 'socks' right. You know there isn't an 'x' in socks? But, to write about your GOD AWFUL MISERY. Oh how God hates everyone from that one region of the map. No, actually, fuck that. Most Red Sox fans aren't even from Boston. They are assholes who just want to watch the good team play. It used to be that those cunt squares would only cheer for the Yankees. You knew what type of person they were. They just wanted to win because they are soulless assholes who also enjoy the Lakers and Cowboys. That's fine, because those people are assholes. They know it. We know it. It's a perfect symmetry of hate.
Red Sox fans aren't like that. They're worse. They constantly go through their day thinking "I'm a good fan of baseball because I cheer for the Red Sox and not like a douche who cheers for the Yankees." I've got news for you masshole. You are that Yankee asshole and more. You don't even have the self awareness to know that you are an asshole from Ft. Worth who cheers for a team hundreds of miles away BECAUSE AND ONLY BECAUSE THEY WIN EVERY YEAR. You are the bigest sell out ever. The one that doesn't even have the self awareness to know that YOU ARE SELLING OUT YOUR FANSHIP FOR WINS.
You sir, are an asshole. Complain about your woes all you want. Cry about how it's so sad that your team has lost and did not made the playoffs this year. It will be great when your new GM tanks your team as the Royals take first place, laughing at your mismanagement. THE IRONY OF SUCH A SITUATION WOULD MAKE A HIPSTER EXPLODE.
Eat shit and die Red Sox fans. You know what? You're right. After that collapse, you have nothing to live for. Just fucking die.
Wilt Stilts still has unresolved anger from this one chick at the bar last night who shot him down. Visit his website at www.ICANYELLATANYTHING.com or on twitter @kberthusen.