Why the NFL Needs Tim Tebow

Does the country's most popular sport have a moral dilema?

Opposites

America is in a terrible place right now. Religion is nothing of what it used to be. The schools have been brainwashing our children with all this basic biology and liberal philosophy, and I don't know where our country is right now. This country was founded by CHRISTIANS. The ones that landed on Plymouth Rock where true to the soul Christians who believed in a nation where any brand of Christianity was free to be taught. Now we have these liberals coming in and twisting our forefather's words, saying that freedom of religion was intended for all religions. Who are they do decide that? MUSLIMS DIDN'T EVEN EXHIST IN 1894 WHEN THE CONSTITUTION WAS SIGNED.


It's time to get back to the old way, the way our forefathers of the constitution wanted it. THERE WEREN'T NO DARWIN. THERE WEREN'T NO FREE BLACKS. It's time to make a grass roots movement. Well, not grass ROOTS because 'roots' is too ethnic. More like grass blade movement. The way to begin our grass blade movement, is to change the most popular and most watched thing on television: the NFL.


That's why we need our lord and savior's football son, Tim Tebow, in the NFL spot light. He believes in all that is good. He's against sexual proclivity, which means he'll never do some scandalous or gay approving thing like Mark Sanchez. Tebow is a good christian would would never give the gays a chance to jackoff to him splashing in a tub. HE IS ALWAYS ADORNED WITH A COLLARD SHIRT.


Tebow would never let his hair grow to Satanistic lengths. THE ONLY MAN THAT COULD PULL OFF SUCH A STYLE CHOICE WAS JESUS AND HE WAS KILLED FOR THAT STYLE CHOICE. I'm talking to you Clay Mathews. It's players like Clay and Chris Johnson who make this sport a disgrace. Where is your honor to your savior. He was just killed for you sins. You can't even pay respect to him by keeping your hair shaved with a number 6 razor? Disgusting.


Tebow preaches passion. He's a man who never uses hyperbole. NEVER I SAY. The man is like Mr. Luther King Jr, except better, because he's not a degenerate. Us god-fearing  souls want our football players to be white and literate. It's just the Christian way. With Tebow starting for the Broncos, we'll surely see the disgracefully liberal town of Denver change in a matter of days into the town we all hoped America would be. We'll have milk men bringing us our milk. Every Sunday will consist of early morning praying and then 6 a.m. church session, and then another session at 8. Then we will continue our communion at the pastor's house to watch the lord's son, Tim Tebow, decimate the sinfull Raiders. All will be well. All will be good. God is good. He is good. Tim Tebow is God. AMEN.


Wilt Stilts is a pastor at heart with almost 10 years of theoretical experience in the arts of Jesus. Please visit his website, www.JesusdiedforourTims.gov/secretlygay or on twitter @kberthusen.