Recent Posts

June 14, 2011

Lockout Limbo Heaven

In any other season, Chase Beeler would be on an NFL roster. This year, he and his fellow undrafted players have decisions to make. A steady job with a high income and medical insurance, or the NFL.

Chase Beeler played at Stanford last year as an offensive lineman for the best quarterback in the nation. He earned first team All-American honors, and got a free education for 5 years leading to a Masters Degree. He got laid every night. Chase Beeler is a little bitch.

“For most players that have an ambition to go on to the next level, they don’t really see themselves in that paradigm [of post-graduation unemployment],” Beeler said. “Now, suddenly, that’s where we’re finding ourselves.”

Oh, wee ole' Chase doesn't have a job? Tell that to the 14% of this nation that is jobless, and WITHOUT a fucking masters degree from Stanford. Do you know what a person with a masters from Stanford make a year? One kajillion dollars a month*. That's more than the average NFL player, and definitely more than any undrafted free agent.

Let us not forget, that the NFL doesn't supply people with medical insurance, and considering you are a 300 pound lump of of ticking heart attack timebomb (speaking of which. Who the hell came up with that saying? What the fuck is a timebomb? Does it blow up and then reduce the fabric of space and time to oblivion?), you will most definitely need some stents some day. And then, add on to the fact that you WILL have a concussion while in the NFL. There is no way around it. It's a right of passage. Just ask the shell of Dan Marino. He still has a great head on him. 

And let us not forget, all it takes is one well placed chop block on a Jimmy Clausen interception return and your career is dead. That sir is the antithesis of job security. 

“I have a new understanding and a new appreciation for how important the game is and how big a part of my life it constitutes. But luckily for us [players], there’s no guarantee but at least we have the opportunity, no matter how diminished it might be by this whole ordeal.”

Yes, you have the opportunity to avoid the life of a super obese man with a future of dementia to go and become a partner at a law firm. For someone who got an education from Stanford, Chase is a fucking idiot. He got the benefit of 6' 3" frame and "thickness" allowing him to go to an Ivy League West school for free. Count your fucking blessings asshole. You could be 5' 11" 170 and bankrupt at 24 with a useless degree from a state university in the midwest.