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June 10, 2011

This Week's Top Arbitrary Number of Stories too Unimportant to Dedicate a Whole Article To

Elongated tweets from someone with a Journalism degree, and or, an English degree and also think everything they write is interesting. 

Disclaimer: As far as I'm concerned, you should like these stories. You know why? Because I picked them fresh from the story orchard. It takes them a whole week to ripen up, which is why I do it on Fridays, and also because I'm lazy and don't want to delve into the intricacies of a well thought out story when it's this close to the weekend. 

1. Lebron James, detailing the dangers of asthma since 2010

Reports are coming in from Dallas that last night, both President Bush and Lebron James had a conversation while sharing a bag of pretzels. Both had a hard time eating them as the pretzels quickly lodged in their throats, causing them to choke. Somehow both were saved by their right hand men, Condoleezza Rice and Dwayne Wade respectively. This comes on the back of the release of a new gallup poll showing the approval rating for the Bush/James ticket for 2012 Presidency at it's lowest ever at -4% (percantage of error +/- 4%)

2. AJ Daulerio, dickhead in disguise the open

Deadspin has been going downhill for a while now, with all the random stories and "breaking news." One day, the focus will be an entertaining piece from Drew Magary, and then the next day they are focusing efforts to shit on Bill Simmons, someone who helped get the sports blogging world on it's feet. Some days they will be rightfully attacking Dan Snyder for his ridiculous lawsuits, and the next day they are detailing stories about an underage girl's take on her sexual encounter with Mark Sanchez, and then running the story without her approval. Just to top it off, Leader of Deadspin, AJ Daulerio added his own story (for once) about him killing the chances for one of his writers to go write at Grantland, for what I am assured would have been a large salary increase. Sure, this here site has been created to screw with Grantland, but if I got an offer to write there, and some third party stepped in to stop it, he would have both feet in the grave so to say. What I'm trying to say is there would be a bullet with his name on it. What I'm trying to get at here that I would first degree murder him.

3. Kittens, generally cute, but always felines.

Just look at this and that. These ones are awesome. Look, this one is long. This one is fat. Hipster catsdoctor cats, Lion cats, OH MY.