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June 9, 2011

Space, Time and DVR Mechanics ... and Zombies

When it's come to sports, it's live ... or it's totally dead ... or it's the living dead(!)

I always try to watch games on television while they happen, but sometimes that isn't possible. Whether I'm out collecting bug specimen, or engaging in proper drug trafficking, I don't have the time to catch every match that Andy Murray plays, and that Sir, is a disgrace. Thankfully though, the invention of DVR came about to solve this problem. What we didn't expect was, how this would effect sports matches. 

Well, it didn't. You know why? Because it really sucks to watch a DVR'd sports match. I've more than once tried to catch up on my stories (The Phoenix Mercury) through the use of DVR, and yet, the magic just isn't there. The players still have a vertical of 21" and shoot 37 percent, but it's just not the same. And so this is what I decided to create ZOMBIEDVR.

I started thinking of ZOMBIEDVR when I was thinking as to why sports are less fun when recorded. It just came to me that I'm not watching it with everyone else in the world. It's just me. I'm the one who is out of the loop, and everyone else is just laughing and pointing at dumb old Wilt. "You HAVEN'T seen the ropes course on ESPN Classic!??!." It kills your ego to know that you missed out on something so non-trivial.

And so I thought of ZOMBIEDVR. It's an acronym for Zealously Operating Machines Bravely Into Erecting Delayed Visuals for the Rich. Basically, I've decided, If I can't watch it live, then no one else can. This new machine I created, blacks out all games nationally that I have recorded on my DVR. Then, my ZOMBIEDVR records the game, and I can watch it whenever I want, and that is when the game is broadcast simultaneously nationally. It also stops all broadcast when I pause to go make my favorite "8 minutes left in the second quarter sandwich" the caviar and carrots on croissant. 

And get this. I just have to put out a tweet telling everyone that I'm starting the game, and that way, only people that follow me, and therefore, I like, will be watching the game with me. WITH NO INTERRUPTIONS, unless I forget to hit the FF button. But that rarely happens. 

So, I need to crowd source someone to create this technology. I care who it could be. I would prefer Mr. Google (CEO of Google of course) or maybe Steve Jobs (CEO of Jobs) to make this happen. I'm willing to pay anything, as long as it doesn't cost more than my BluRay player. And then we can all love sports when we WANT to love sports, which is when I want to watch them.