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June 16, 2011

Black and Blue day for Vancouver. Finally.

After almost four decades of missteps and missed opportunities the Canadians finally rein supreme.

Since the beginning of Canada, there has been an assumption that has reigned over the country. We all assumed they were going to be the Switzerland of the Americas. The place was supposed to be a peaceful, beautiful country, that harbors criminals, and stays neutral during wars. They were supposed to bottle maple syrup and give us their best actors. We were supposed to be the ones abusing Canada, but last night, it was the Canadians who who abused Canada.

And I'd like to say, gosh, finally. Canada was the least interesting country in the world, and now, I'm mildly interested, and would very much them like to continue this streak. Yesterday was the first day of college for that shy and mildly cute chick named Canada to come out of her high school shell, and fuck everything she sees. Better watch out Iran. Canada is in heat and ready to fuck some shit. 

Their destruction of their own town made the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles look like a toddler's birthday party. Sure, that loss, dropping the last 3 games of the series after being up 3-1 is embarrassing, but christ. Who knew there was so much repressed anger that close to Seattle. I heard that the seismic detectors in Seattle picked up an earthquake. Then again, their detectors a quite a bit touchy.

I never would have thought that Canada would even have riot gear in their police departments, but they disproved me again. It's almost as if they knew something we didn't know. That Canadians are the quiet short white guys with a dynamite temper when prompted of the world. This makes me reconsider some things now.

One, we should probably not use their free medical care anymore. That seems dangerous for Michigan, Wisconsin, Washington and any state touching the Vin Diesel of the world. Two, we should focus on putting fences on the Canadian border, and ignore the Mexican boarder. Worst thing that happens in Mexico is food poisoning. And drug and weapon trafficking, but whateves. How are we supposed to get AK-47s and Weed in Kansas anyways? 

Finally, we should probably ask them for help in Iraq and Afghanistan, and Libya, and Iran, and Jordan, and who else is there? I don't know. Just all of them. And we will give them a production deal to make our next Dwayne Johnson movie. Lord knows we need him to be more badass. Maybe like, say,  having sex infront of riot shields? Maybe.