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July 26, 2011

The Art fo the Body Shot

Amir Kahn and the most beautiful body shot ever.

Wait. No. That's not right. This is the most beautiful shot ever.

These hot chicks and the most beautiful body shots ever done.

AW YEAH. You wanted the art of the body shot? WELL THIS IS IT. Boxing has it's own verson, but it's way gayer, involving two guys and fisting. This right here. This is body shot at it's purest, and I'm here to breakdown the calm before the storm, the the storm itself that is the body shot

It all begins with the participants. Now, this should always be two women. Some men get into the action as well, but only because they think it's funny. It is not. Taking a body shot off a man is as funny as Perez Hilton, which is to say it's not. It's gay. The pure body shot should always involve two girls. Let's breakdown the anatomy of these two girls.

First we need our participants to be somewhere between the ages of 18 and 32. It is possible to extend the ages, but it becomes increasingly more sketch after 32. The younger, the higher the possibility, because they are dumb. Ideally, we are working with sorority sisters, or former sorority sisters. They are already familiar with each other, and are not afraid to be near lesbianism as they are used to living in an area where body shots are not only socially acceptable, but the norm. Make sure one of the girls is needing of attention. Someone loud, especially when they drink. 

Now, specifically you would be looking for girls with belly buttons that are so called "innies". These make a reservoir for the shot. Also, try and find different hair colored girls, because diversity is the name of the game. We have a black president now. Hey, maybe even get a hispanic chick in there. Make each body shot your own. 

Now, when  preparing, you must make sure to find a bar that is packed, enough so that the two could feel lost in a crowd, but not too crowded to not find bar space for the shot. Make sure you know the bar in mind before the night. Preparation is everything. On the topic of preparation, let's talk about pre-gaming. Tequila is a neceessity. No one can explain why tequila does what it does. It may just be psychological, but whatever does it, it does it well. Tequila will loosen the moods of all involved, including and especially yourself. You need to be free and ready to ask for the shot. Without provocation no body shots will be had that evening. 

Now, once you are properly pre-gamed, TAKE TO THE BAR. Make sure you have rides lined up, or a house close enough to walk. Nothing ends a night faster than someone stopping the alcohol because they need to drive. Make sure they are still sober enough to remember things before you go into the bar. Get in the bar, and find an isolated spot where you can talk and keep drinking. You have to make it so that no guys come up to them and ask them to dance or anything, and instead, get tired of waiting for a man. They also need to get drunk at the bar, that way they are comfortable with the bar. Once isolated at the bar, you need to drink. All of you. It's not fun if all aren't really drunk. 

The final step is a judgement step. It depends on the girls, how well you know them, and how confident you are. You need to propose the shot. Maybe gradually increase the intensity of the shots through the night. Maybe just wiskey. Then tequila shots. Then jagar bombs. Then flaming shots. Then propose. Get on your knee if you have to. This is a very important proposition. Comparing it to marriage is no joke. IT IS MARRIAGE. It's there forever in those girls minds. IT IS VERY SERIOUS. 

If all is well, you've got yourself a body shot. Enjoy it. Savor it. This only comes around once in a blue moon in nature. You've just beat nature. You've created synthetic life in the form body shots. Pat yourself on your back. You've succeeded. 

Wilt Stilts is an average looking guy who goes to bars every once and a while. He's got swag which an award that stands for Supreme Wingman Achievement Graduate. Visit him at his website or on twitter @kberthusen