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July 8, 2011

WHAT IS HE WEARING? - Djokovic, Jeter and Fowler

Oh my jesus guys. You cannot believe how bad these guys look. Like, I'm serious. 

Jesus. H. Christ. This guys must have been shopping at the Gap before this. White on white? What does he think he is? A ghost. Humph. This is such a breach in the code of conduct of clothes. Trust me on this fellas. You never wear white on white on white with a white wrist band. And what is the blue wrist band doing here? Is it to differentiate his hands from each other. Lord knows I forget stuff, but I always know which hand is my writing hand. 

And can someone tell me why this girl would love him? He's ugly to the bone. He's like if you spliced Hitler with Stalin. He's also evil. That name is evil. Djokovic is not even grammatically possible in the English language. I know because I took two semesters of Composition courses.

"Not the first ball I've tried to grasp."
Oh my gawd. Talk about nationalism. I haven't seen this much pride since New York legalized gay marriage. This is stunningly unproper. It's like these jerseys were originally white, but someone put them into the washer with uncle sam and three bald eagles. Then there's the pants. EW! The stripes clash with the other stripes, and the stars are about as distracting as stars on the red carpet for a TMZ camera man. JEZZUS. And don't get me started on the hat. I might have a heat stroke. 

"Chippidy do da, Chippidy day. My oh my I'm so wonderfully gay."
OH NO. THE TERROR ALERT COLOR IS ORANGE. THAT MEANS THERE IS A LIKELIHOOD OF .08% FOR A TERRORIST ATTACK. Oh wait. It's just Ricky Fowler. It's like a pumpkin, a carrot and Ernie Eiffel towered and made a baby. This outfit makes the sun jealous of his brightness. 

I don't watch golf, but if Fowler was over shooting the greens, it's probably because the ball was trying to get away from him before its eyes become as useless as Hellen Keller's. I wonder if the glove is white only because the world ran out of orange dye to color his glove. Orange you glad you didn't buy this from Banana Republic. Even the Ivory Coast soccer team thinks this is too much orange. 

This was a huge misstep by Ricky, and if he ever wants to win a major, he'll need to learn how to put together a wardrobe or buy sunglasses. GUH!

Wilt Stilts is not a fashion designer, but has watch at least one episode of Project Runway, and knows the ins and outs of the clothing world like a pen pal that you've only written to once. Visit him at his website or @kberthusen on twitter.